I want to try one more time - I really do. Then that's it. I'm completely done and will somehow have to figure out how to live my life without children. I know I said that once before - last time was it. And maybe it was, but I really feel like I need one more try - if only money was not an issue. But, for us, especially after all the money we've spent on all this over the past few years, it is an issue. So, I'm just trying to figure out a way that we can move forward - a way that has a good chance of success for a reasonable cost.
Honestly, I haven't found many options that fit that description. I could do embryo adoption at my existing, completely crappy clinic. I'm on the list and they've actually called me to see if I'm interested in moving forward. This would be the cheapest option - the cost of an FET. I was seriously considering it for my final try, but then I went back and look at their success rates using frozen embryos - and it sucks!! It's only 36%. That doesn't give me a lot of hope for success.
Another option I'm considering is returning to my original clinic where I did my very first IVF (and where I should have never left, but they are super expensive). They offer the option of doing a split donor cycle where you split the eggs and the cost with another recipient. I really like the idea of this but what if the donor only produces 10 eggs - I've seen it happen, and we all know that attrition is a bitch - so this is a real gamble, too. I checked their success rates, and they are super good for both fresh and frozen.
The third option is biting the bullet and just paying for one final donor egg cycle at this good clinic or at another one that's associated with the university and has the nicest doctor in the world. I met with him again today to discuss where I am in my thinking, and I just love him. Both times I've met with him, he's spent an hour just talking with me. I would love to cycle with him - I just don't know where we'd get the money.
So, I guess that's it right now for options. One of the above or nothing. I hate that this has to be a financial decision for us when so many others have everything covered by insurance. It infuriates me that just because I live in the state that I do, my options are limited by how much we are able/willing to spend out of pocket while others get 3, 5, 7 or maybe even unlimited tries all covered by their insurance - absolutely completely sucks.
12 comments:
I hear ya. I really do. It makes me sick to think that IVF #3, 4 or 5 might be *the one* that works for us. But we'll never know because we don't have a money tree growing in our backyard either. :\
I hope you are able to figure out a path to take. It bites that for many money is the deciding factor.
Take care.
HI - I know where you're 'at'. My husband and I paid out of pocket for our IVF's also and on our last try, we chose Donor Egg because I felt certain that it was our best, most viable, chance for a positive pregnancy. We did PGD testing with every one of our IVF cycles and although expensive, it definitely pinpointed the fact that it was my crappy eggs that were to blame. No transfer after bad PGD results saved us heartache and a bit of money each time. My Donor only had 9 eggs and with ICSI and PGD testing, we got 5 perfect embryos. I am now pregnant with twins and have 3 on ice. So, it's not really a matter of how many eggs you get- it's how many will be genetically viable. PGD testing really helps you weed out the non-viable embryos before you go to transfer. Just a thought. Good luck.
I hear you. Money is a factor for us too, and that sucks.
Good luck with your decision.
I gave up trying for 2 years after my 3rd IVF failure...I couldn't afford to pay cash anymore. I know it's so hard to have to succumb our desire to have a child because of finances.
When my last job added on IVF coverage, I decided to try again until I exhausted the benefit.
Have you considered trying to find a job where IVF is a covered benefit? There are lists of companies that do cover it online - conceive magazine does an article each year of the best companies for IF.
I hear you--nothing should ever be decided because of finances. It is completely and totally unfair. I say this after spending 80K on our five cycles, and still coming up empty handed. And now we're just spending more money on our other options...money money money. We all need to win the lotto!
We'll cheer you on, whichever way you go!
I say do it. Whether embryo donation or a new donor cycle at a GREAT clinic (whether split or sole).
But NO MATTER WHAT, do NOT take anything your current clinic is offering. Even if the embryos are golden and the FET free, RUN! Those people scare the crap out of me.
Stats, stats and more stats. Ultimately, that is TRULY all that counts. Nice doctors, great. Sweet nurses, fabulous. So-so stats? Dump them!
Now, impersonal doctors and cold nurses but stellar stats - GO FOR IT!
In the end, you want a baby, not new friends in the medical profession.
The money is chilling - I try not to think about it, really. But if you can figure out a way - whether embryo donation or a split cycle, do it! You're still a Spring chicken so don't feel like if it doesn't happen now, it's too late.
Look at this post from "silverbrumby" on 3-22-10. She was in a dire place (no funds, failed cycles and done) and was able to secure eleven 5 day blasts in a couple of months from networking on a surrogacy site I believe (she explains). And she had criteria up the wazoo (insisted that BOTH donors were known - totally open I.D.) and had no money. I thought she was cooked but I have to hand it to her persistence. She's now pregnant on the first FET.
http://forums.fertilitycommunity.com/talking-others/271461-singles-trying-conceive-373.html#post1107762913
(just an idea)
Hi Riley,
I have followed your story anonymously because my DH and I were in a similar position and for various reasons needed "donor" assistance x2. Have you looked into any "shared risk" programs with donor eggs? This is the route we took with an East Coast based clinic, to keep expenses even lower we agreed to split the eggs 3 ways!! I got 4 embryos, transferred 2, 1 on ice, and expecting our first any day. I share this as a story of hope and also their "money back" option if no baby after a certain # of cycles was the only way we could have pursued this. The financial part of this SUCKS and had a big impact on our decision to abandon my eggs, move to a donor, and have some peace of mind.
I would be happy to share any other details if you would like via email, just let me know. Reading your story I just knew I had to reach out to give you some hope and to explore other alternatives, i.e. shared risk programs. I know coming up with additional funds may be a challenge too, believe me I know, but had to write.
Thank you,
I surely feel your pain, and also that niggling hope of just one more try! IMHO, I would ditch the cheaper clinic with so so stats. It's always a gamble, but if you go with the best possible you will have peace that you did everything you could (and that much more chance of holding a baby while you think it!)
Does the spendy clinic have a embryo waiting list you could get on? I think the Shared Risk (where they pay you back if you don't get pg) is a great idea too, if they have it. I would worry about a split cycle, if you want lots of eggs. I have had three different (young) donors and the most eggs retrieved were 12. I think if they try to up production much it can really interfere with quality (just me, no medical background) Of course, I'm still NOT pg, so take that with a grain of salt! We are about to start IVF #5 (DE) and none of them were covered, it is maddening.
Good luck to you - hoping you can find a way to make it work!
I am hopeful that one more will do the trick. I understand it is hard to give up and really decide "no more" although I wanted "just one more try" with my eggs and that is so different than giving up on kids altogether so I probably don't it completely, but can imagine.
I am very happy that you will find a way to try again. I hope that you will look back and say you were really glad you did.
Hi Riley. You may remember that I did embryo donation - successfully on the first try. My clinic has a fantastic success rating and the doc is one of the top guys in the country. I'm not sure where you live, but we had to travel only twice to the clinic. If you're at all interested in additional information about the clinic, email me and I'd be happy to give you the info. Wishing you joyful success. bestwhenusedby@gmail.com
Hey there, I've been following you for quite some time...I'm sorry your still where you are, and I'm really sorry to hear that money limits your options.
I can never relate...but I can send you some hugs.
I guess what you'll have to do when deciding to try again or not is to weight the risks for your feelings. Will you go back 10 years from now and regret not trying again? Can you say you did everything you could, everything in your power and your just ready to move on? If your anwsers are clear, than you'll have your anwser in whether you should try again. Money comes and goes..but you don't want to live with regrets either.
It's so hard....I feel so sad for you....
And if you want to try again...I think great! Which way will be your choice of course, but I think you need to make sure it's the least amount of risk...ie: use a proven donor who has sucessfully gotten someone pregnant.
Another thing...have you considered trading sperm for eggs? I know it's unconventional, but I do know it's quite popular in the gay and lesbian community..........just a random thought.
I wish you the best...and I'm sorry.
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