Thank You All So Much

Wow - I just really want to tell you all how much I sincerely appreciate your kind words, encouraging thoughts and empathy over the loss of my dear Buddy. I found that I just really wanted to talk about her and how much she meant to me, but most people don't want to sit and listen to you talk about the death of your cat and many can't understand that special bond. Even though I had been MIA from the IF blogging community for so long, I knew that I could share my thoughts and feelings with you and you all would understand. Since I have been gone for so long, I was really blown away by how many of you were still out there and took time out of your day to console me. There is really something truly special about our blogging community. You all just "get it." And I appreciate that more than you can know. I hate that any of us have had to suffer through IF and all the hardships that we have endured, but one thing I am thankful for is how it has helped me to grow and be more understanding of others who may be suffering or having a hard time in life. Before all this, I was as bad as everyone else - dismissing others problems and not taking the time to listen and be a friend. Although I don't personally know any of you - you were all there for me. You were true friends and that means so much.

I'm still grieving and everything is still hard, but I'm surviving. I will get through this.

Since you were all kind enough to support me in the loss of Buddy, I thought I'd give a quick update with my situation. I may have mentioned that I finally changed doctors and it has been like night and day. I love, love, love my new doctors (it is actually the first clinic I ever went to for my very first IVF - I should have never left). Everyone is so kind and responsive. I never have to wait more than just a couple of minutes for anything, and I see the doctors all the time. They perform the ultrasounds, they are in the hallways asking how things are going, they call you personally with your estrogen levels. My doctor always responds immediately to my e-mails, so does my nurse. At my old clinic, you only saw the doctor during the initial consultation and then on the day of the transfer. You had no way to communicate with him, the nurses were bad about returning calls, there was no e-mail access and you always had to wait for at least 45 minutes to an hour every time you went in for an appointment. So needless to say, I am much calmer and happier.

We are doing a donor embryo FET cycle. I've been on the patches for a week or two - my levels and lining all look great. I started progesterone last night and the FET is scheduled for Wednesday. I honestly don't have a lot of hope since everything else we've tried has not worked, but I'm trying to be positive, so we'll see.

I apologize for being checked out for so long and not being there to support you all. I just really needed to take a break to try to find some joy in my life. I was on the way to doing that until I lost Buddy. Now, I have a lot more work ahead of me.