First, two and a half years ago, we decide to start working on a family. I go off the pill. We get pregnant right away - just like everyone else - but then- unlike all the others I know, I start to bleed - pregnancy over.
We keep trying - month after month for a year with no success. So we move on to IVF. IVF 1 - BFN. IVF 2 - we never even make it to retrieval - cancelled. IVF 3 - we make it to retrieval but not transfer because all my eggs/embryos disintegrate or barely divide.
So, then we make the huge leap to donor egg - we think this will be the solution for us. We'll finally have a child this way -right!! I almost feel like we are complete idiots - God or the universe or someone is trying to tell us something and we just aren't listening.
I got the call from my nurse today - my donor was supposed to start stims yesterday but her estradoil level was too high, so they brought her back in today thinking that it would go down but it went up so they cancelled the cycle. All the BCPs and Lupron I've been shooting myself up with for the past month - all for nothing. All a big fat joke. My nurse said that my donor has responded beautifully in the past and that this has never happened with her before - of course not - I was never the recipient before. My nurse thinks if we wait a month everything should be fine next month - right. We started this whole process back in January. It's nearly May. I have a really bad feeling that I"m never going to be a mom and it makes me so sad - not just for me but for my husband who wants this so badly but who is losing hope with each passing day. All I can do is cry.
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3 comments:
What a huge disappointment - I'm so sorry! But this is going to happen for you. I would be all over the clinic to find out WHY your donor has high estradoil - if they don't have a clue I'd want to know. Hopefully the nurse is right and you can try again next month (if you are ready for that).
I know how it just all seems like such a waste, taking all those drugs and putting your body and mind through the wringer. And it is taking so long to get to the starting blocks, but you'll get there. It just sucks though.
This is one of those areas in life where persistence really does pay off - but I know the journey can suck the absolute life out of you. And I understand why people give up and live childless - because this is so all-consuming, financially devastating and physically and emotionally exhausting that at some point, it becomes very enticing to drop the whole thing.
I'm so frustrated for you but hang in there; like I'd opened, persistence is the one common denominator of babies born to women of IF.
I am so sorry; this must be so frustrating and disappointing. I had my second IVF cycle cancelled at the Lupron Evaluation because my E2 kept rising also. It apparently very occasionally happens with Lupron. I'm sure it's doubly frustrating in a DE cycle, especially after all you've gone through.
Hang in there.
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