My clinic is weird - they schedule the beta for a full 2 weeks after transfer - regardless if it's a 3-day or a 5-day transfer. For my FET, we transferred three, 5-day blasts, so today is 12dp5dt, so if this had worked, I should definitely have a positive on a first response test today and I didn't. I tested this morning - nothing - not even a hint of a super faint line. My husband does not want to accept that it didn't work until Tuesday. He doesn't understand. He thinks if we wait two more days, we might actually get a positive. I know better. No point in trying to fool myself. But since I only have one HPT left, I've decided that just for the hell of it - or to have final proof for my dh, I'll wait and test again Tuesday morning. If it's negative, I'm not even going to bother to go in for my beta. Why drive 40 minutes across town just so some nurse can call me later to tell me what I already know. I don't ever want to step foot in that clinic again. It's been nothing but one awful, terrible experience after another.
So, for those of you just tuning in - let's recap. Hubby and I get married in May '06 after waiting forever to find "the right one." It was the first marriage for us both. Neither of us have any children. I was 35, hubby was 40. We started trying to get pregnant in Jan '07 and like everyone else we knew, it happened right away. I got my first/last/only positive HPTs - that lasted for two or three days, then the bleeding started full force - chemical pregnancy. We tried on our own for the rest of that year - BFN after BFN for an entire year.
Then we move on to IVF#1 with my eggs/hubby's sperm - only 5 eggs/3embryos BFN. Change clinics - BIG MISTAKE. IVF#2 with my eggs - canceled due to poor response, convert to IUI - BFN. IVF#3 with my eggs/hubby's sperm - make it to retrieval but all the embryos quit dividing and we end up with nothing to transfer. IVF#4 DE cycle with hubby's sperm. Transfer 3 embryos - BFN. IVF#5 - DE/DS cycle - transfer two PERFECT hatching blasts on day 5 - BFN. FET#1 - thaw 3 blasts, all 3 survive the thaw - BFN.
Oh yeah - all of this was out of pocket - insurance covered practically nothing - maybe one or two tests early on, but that was it. So after 6 rounds of IVF roulette, it looks like I AM THE BIGGEST LOSER. I get sent home with nothing but an empty bank account, a broken heart, a damaged (but not destroyed) marriage, and not a lot of hope for the future right now.....
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Oh Riley, I'm so sorry. I've been thinking about you this weekend wondering how things were going. I hate that there have to be losers at this "game" (and I'm one of them, so I know how it feels). And I know how it feels to have 'perfect' hatching blasts transfered only to end up with no baby. I wish there was something I could say to help ease your pain.
I know you talked about adoption, but have you considered international adoption? I know that for Korea the age cut-off is 45, but they do have an age waiver. I'm not sure what the age requirements are for other international programs, but my friend who is probably about 47 adopted a waiting child from China last January. Just some things to think about if and when you are ready.
You are in my thoughts. Take care.
Riley, I am so sorry. Like Heather, I was thinking of you and knew you must be close to beta. I don't blame you for not wanting to set foot in the clinic ever again.
I wish had some words that would make you feel better,although I know that is probably impossible right now. Thinking of you and your DH.
I am so sorry. I've been checking in, knowing that your beta was any time now... feeling sad and broken just reading your news. It just isn't fair. None of it.
Keeping you both in my thoughts.
Thinking of you and there are no words from me, just hugs.
Reily, so sorry to hear about your BFN. It's heartbreaking after all you've been through. I hope you don't give up, and maybe find another RE who can possibly find the 'magic bullet' for you guys. Wishing you love and peace.
I am so sorry and just feel sick for all that you have been through - just plain sucks.
Thinking of you and hoping for some sort of resolution.
Jen
I'm sitting here, starting to type one thing, deleting, then another, deleting. Because as you well know, there aren't any words that are even adequate to say here. You have been put through the wringer, you have done EVERYTHING possible, tried every possible combination and it should not be this way. I am angry for you and of course deeply sad. While I have not gone the donor route, I did fail five IVFs with our own gametes and paid all out of pocket and some days, I can still scarcely believe we failed. And so I do know a little bit of your pain. And my God does it suck.
I am just so sorry. Sending you big hugs across the internet, for what it's worth.
Riley, my heart breaks for you. You've done so much, accepted so much, altered your dreams for genetic offspring. I don't know what more you guys could have done, which is why it's so totally effed up that you'd wind up in this place. March has just sucked!
Your post brought tears to my eyes - I am so shocked and saddened to hear this. Sending you love and hugs and praying really hard for a happy surprise on Tuesday.
Love,
Maddy
I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. Thinking about you and your husband. It totally sucks what you've been through. Take care of yourself and be especially kind to yourself right now.
Holding you in my heart.
So sorry Riley. Thinking of you.
I am so, so sorry for you.
So very sorry, that words really fail me.
I hope you find peace soon.
I've really nothing helpful to say except I'm very very sorry. I suspect that no one truly understands the anger and grief and loneliness that you are feeling right now, but many people are thinking of you, and hoping that you emerge soon into a place that is better.
Riley, I know it doesn't look great but Amanda over at Manana Banana just had a 5DT of frozen embryos and her first beta came in at 14. Her second was 40 and she's going in for a 3rd tomorrow. Please don't give up all hope just yet cuz those damned HPTs can miss a late implanter. I don't mean to sound all Pollyanna, but please do your best. (hug)
I too am so so sorry. I hope you find a way to get through. Big hugs and best wishes.
Oh Riley, I am just so very, very sorry. I wish I had words of comfort....
There is nothing I can say to make this any better/easier/nicer...all I can do is say I'm sorry. How much I feel for you, how much I wish things were different and good news were to come.
I wish you some comfort and peace and love going through this...I'm so so sorry
Oh, Riley, I am so sorry. I can only imagine what it feels like right now. You have done so much and given up so much just to get that baby. I don't understand. I wish I could help.
Riley, I'm sitting here thinking of you. So I wanted to stop in and say hello and wish you a plan forward that brings much happiness.
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