I am so mad right now. I feel physically sick with frustration. What's funny (not really) is that I felt a little silly after I complained last time about still not hearing back from the nurse because she actually called first thing the next morning. She left a really nice message saying that my donor had been approved by the doctor and to expect a call back from her later that day with all the details. She said once I verbally ok'd the donor, she'd send me the paperwork. Great news - or so I thought. So, I anxiously awaited her call all day. Around 3:00 I had to go to another building to work on a project with several co-workers but I made sure to take my phone with me. I had it on me at all times and constantly checked it to make sure it was on and working - you know how that is. Unfortunately, 5:00 came and went - no call. I should not have been surprised, but I was. However, I didn't let myself get too worked up about it even though I was definitely pissed. That was Friday.
I tried to keep myself busy all weekend and not dwell on it. So, instead, I spent a lot of time outside enjoying the beautiful weather - played tennis, went for a long run, worked on some projects around the house, watched my team win in basketball....it was a nice weekend. I was actually excited this morning because I knew today would be the day that we finally got the details on the donor we were first told about on Feb. 19! I called the nurse, first thing this morning and let a message, informing her that I had never gotten the call she had promised me on Friday. Half the day goes by - no call back. Around 3:00, I try calling the front desk to see if the usual helpful receptionist can help me out - she's not there today. The person who answers tells me that the nurse is indeed there today, but then just puts me back in the nurse's voicemail. Between 4 and 5:00, I try calling 10 more times - never get a live person, so I leave another voicemail. By then, I'm so upset, that I'm close to tears. I have to close my office door so people don't see me crying. Does this nurse just not get how emotionally draining all this is - not to mention how unproductive I was at work all day - which is not good because I have a ton of work to do. I don't need to be worrying about this crap!
I IM my husband to let him know what's going on. When he responds by saying - F**k it - maybe it's a sign that we aren't supposed to be doing this - the tears started to flow full force. I know I said the same thing last week, but to hear him say that, just pushes me over the edge.
I hate my clinic, I hate this nurse and I hate what all this is doing to me and my husband.
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2 comments:
Just because these people are all of a sudden incompetent doesn't mean you shouldn't be a family. I am so sorry you are having this experience. And you should not have to chase these people. They should do what they say they are going to do. I would seriously call dr. t and let him know how frustrating this has all been. It's unreal! This is NOTHING like how they did it with me and others I know that went to this clinic for donor eggs. Please don't give up on your family though. Maybe f*ck this clinic but not your family. I am soooooooo sorry. I wish I could help somehow.
OH wow. I am so sorry you are getting this treatment from the clinic. Really. It's not acceptable.
And you also need to start a list of "things you are not allowed to say" for your DH. I know he's frustrated but you needed support or just someone to hear you vent....not shoot your dreams in the foot when you are already feeling doubt. This is 100 times harder on you than it is him and he needs to be supportive of you especially when your are upset.
Sorry for the rant against your Dh...but I have been there with my Dh and I just started to write him scripts of things to say when I was feeling down, frustrated or doubtful. Seriously, I have WRITTEN things down for him and made him carry it in his wallet. Or I will say, "this is one of those moments. What are you supposed to say to me?" as a prompt.
So I will say it: There is no cosmic message here. It's just a neglectful/over worked nurse. There is no "meant to be" here...other than what you have the stamina to create. Some people have it easier. We have it harder. So what? This does not mean we were not meant to be mothers or that we don't deserve a family. You have been through so much to get here. In the grand scheme of things an errant nurse is nothing compared to what you have already endured. You have trained for the Gold Medal...don't let an hang nail get you off your game.
Eventually she will call. Eventually you will cycle. I would be ranting and raving so much about her lack of follow-through but I would not let it stop me. Complain mightily (becasue man, you are entitled) but don't let it shake your resolve.
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