I've honestly been trying not to think about it very much but it just makes me so sad and angry that my husband and I cannot get pregnant with my eggs and his sperm. I know we've all said it a million times, but life is so unfair. Especially when you see some of the people around you who have no business reproducing getting pregnant so easily. Why is it so difficult for us? I don't understand - even with medical help - we can't get a break. It makes me sick
When we decided to use donor eggs, I was sad at first that our baby would not be genetically linked to me, but I decided that I was OK with that because the baby would be genetically linked to my husband. For some reason, that made it all OK. Now, that we are adding a sperm donor into the mix it's changing everything. I keep looking at my husband, and there are so many wonderful qualities about him that it makes me so sad knowing that they won't be a part of our child (if we finally get lucky and this actually works). Now, instead of our baby - our last shot at getting pregnant will be trying to have a child created from two people that we've never even met.
It really pisses me off.
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8 comments:
I know how you feel. I'm so sorry. And, yeah, totally and completely unfair. Which probably goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, since I'm already in a cranky mood. Hang in there. Your baby will still have so much of you both that you wouldn't be able to love 'em any more.
But it still sucks.
Ditto. Saw a chick with her kids yesterday and they were the spitting image and I thought - why not me?
However, I will say that the child or children that you will have will be your biological child. Carrying a child imprints it with all sorts of things only you have/do.
but it still sucks that we can't be like the others out there.
I sympathize with the complexity of your feelings. Not a single step of this process has been easy for me. I often find myself wishing life were fair and cursing what isn't.
Hang in there. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, or so people keep telling me. One of these days maybe I'll start believing it.
I absolutely hear you on this. I feel the same frustration and anger about this lousy IF card.
That said, I can only speak about the idea of a donor embryo as a stepmother who happens to adore her stepchild. We've been together since the age of one, and our relationship is full of love and affection. People even tell us we look alike, which I personally think is more because of mannerisms than appearances. And I think if I'd carried my stepchild and given birth, that would be even better, which is why I agree with IVF40+ about a donor embryo resulting in your biological child - you blood will flow through your baby's blood, your tissue will be their tissue, etc.
Although I wish my stepchild were genetically mine, if I had to choose between having no child and this child, I would choose this wonderful child in a heartbeat.
I don't know if that is helpful to your process at all. Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and send you a big virtual hug.
The most aggravating things in life are those we have no control over. I too have wondered what our own little ones would have been like. My child. My hair. My husband's eyes. Bits of us woven togethr. No, it's not fair. Especially when we see people around us seeming to get everything they want. I'm sorry. We lost this hand. But I hope you will still feel joy for the unique person your baby will be, and the role you and your husband will play in how that child grows up. The uniqueness of who you are WILL become part of your child. S/he can still pick up your husband's silly sense of humor, your love of gardening and cooking, your music appreciation and everything else. The hand we were dealt sucked, but there really is a silver lining.
I agree with you and went through my own mourning. One of the things that helped me cope was to choose the traits that DH and I didn't want to pass on. I have a clotting disorder and although we are using DH's sperm (against my better judgment) this cycle, he has a nephew with a recessive debilitating developmental disorder that has left his 25 year old nephew with the skill functioning of an 8 month old. We are not sure if this is what is causing my current m/c. I did read an article that states that despite using donor egg/sperm, your baby can still pick up your genetic traits. Hugs to you and hope you get through this time, I know how hard it is.
Just came across your blog and wanted to say "Hi"
I am right there with you! I have a saying when I see a deplorable or stupid situation or couple or individual with kids (said with disgust of course), "The people who get to breed."
It is just so unfair. FWIW, it hurts less often now that we have a little one.
We also tried a DS cycle - but not both at the same time - and it is a different grief - that of losing your own connection and that of losing your husband's connection.
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