I swear, the secretary for our department at work who is pregnant insists on coming in and plopping down in the chair in my office MULTIPLE times daily, rubbing her belly and complaining about how tired she is, how bad her back hurts, how hungry she is etc. etc. I think she is only like four months along - I cannot take another five months of this. The thought of even a few more weeks of this makes me sick. Especially if this - my last and final cycle - does not work. This will not be good.
What pisses me off is that she knows some of my situation, but this doesn't stop her or slow her down. Several months ago, before she announced that she was pregnant, she was in my office running her mouth about babies (getting on my nerves - I think it was right after my last failed cycle)and she said - doesn't your husband want to have babies? Up until this point, I hadn't told anyone at work what I'm going through. My department is all men except for this one secretary and one other younger girl. I snapped and said, "Yes, he does, but sometimes it's not that easy." She got real quiet, left my office and then came back with a card 10 minutes later apologizing for making me mad. She said she knew it wasn't easy because she had just had a miscarriage last month. So, then, of course, I opened up to her and told her that we had been trying for nearly three years without success etc. etc.
Then, I bet it wasn't even three weeks later that she came into my office to tell me that she was pregnant again. From that day - she has not stopped. I mean, I'm happy for her and I know she doesn't really have any one else in the office to talk to about this, but seriously....does she really think that I want to hear every single detail of her pregnancy? I try to give her subtle signals to let her know that I don't enjoy the conversation - I continue to work when she comes in, I send e-mails, I type on the computer, I do anything other than fully engage her in conversation. All the while, she continues to sit there and rub her belly. I want to scream!! The one day when she finally got a clue that I was not enjoying the conversation, she asked what was wrong. I told her that although I'm happy for her sometimes it's hard to hear about all this considering the situation that I'm in. Her response was - well, I've been praying for you.
That's nice - I appreciate it, but it does not mean you can just pray for me and that makes it ok for you to keep coming in and rubbing your big fat pregnant belly in my face every day! I swear, if my cycle does not work, I'm going to have to quit my job! To top it off, the younger girl who works in our office came up to me the other day and asked me if I had plans to organize a baby shower for the secretary.- Needless to say, I completely snapped at the poor young thing, but I think I made myself clear - Hell, no!!! One of the men in the office with kids can do it - why should I?
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5 comments:
Oh man that so sucks. I find it amazing how many people just don't get it--even after you explain it to them! It's as if they tune you out when you explain something like this. (Although I tend to think most people in general nod as though they are listening, but aren't really.) Seriously, get a fucking clue! This is how I feel with my 42 year-old overweight-smoker-who-got-pregnant-the-first-month-of-trying neighbor. I half-seriously considered moving for a few months! And I'm over hearing her complain about her gestational diabetes, WHILE EATING A PIZZA!
I'm glad you aren't getting sucked into throwing the shower. Fertility challenged women can do without those responsibilities!
Take care.
I think you should tell her in no uncertain terms "I'm sorry if this sounds mean, but I no longer wish to discuss or hear about your pregnancy...and I think you know why." Then tell her she needs to leave your office now so that you can work.
At 21 weeks pregnant now, I have taken great pains to hide my pregnancy at work. Today I finally told the last batch of women and they had no idea. I would NEVER rub my belly in front of anyone and only discuss it with those who bring it up first. One of the women today responded a little coldly, and I worried that she has reasons for which my news upset her. I will be careful not to discuss it around her.
Seriously, the secretary in your office needs to discuss it with her husband, her family and her friends...not her co-workers. Don't suffer, Riley, tell her. Or give me her number and I'll tell her!
I agree with PP - tell her kindly, but in no uncertain terms that you would not like to discuss her pregnancy. I had to do this with my sister and she took it very well. I hope the young thing figures it out.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I think it would make me homicidal.
OMG I was dying (laughing) reading this post! I know it is a sucky situation but it is just amazing how clueless some people are! Thanks for sharing - hopefully knowing we are all horrified at this silly woman with you makes is slightly easier to bear.
And a shower - you've got to be kidding me!
I've so been there. I went through the same thing but with a close family member. Not once, but twice. Sorry, that's just ridiculous, having had a miscarriage herself, she should realize it's hard for you to talk about. I'd flat out tell her to stop. I hope this cycle works for you. Writing this feeling a little survivor's guilt. I know how you feel though. I did this for 6 years. It was all worth it...I just want the same for you.
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