Wow - I was reading over my recent blog posts and they are so full of negativity - which considering all the shit I'm going through I guess it's justified, but it makes me realize how negative I have become not just in my blogging world but in my real life. Like today at work - I glared at a co-worker when he showed up in my office door causing him to ask if I was having a bad day. My boss gave me an assignment and I grumbled about having to do it and not being prepared rather than seeing it as the good opportunity that is was. I'm losing friends left and right. I'm missing out on so many of life's opportunities. I just hate what IF does to you. I may not be able to completely change my entire outlook, but maybe I'll take Sprogblogger's lead and try to occassionally focus on the few positive things in my life. Like today - today is the day the cleaning lady comes to our house. I am so thankful that my husband is willing to splurge twice a month to get our house cleaned so I don't have to do it very much myself. Coming home to a nice, clean house - one that I didn't have to personally clean - well, that's definitely something to be thankful for.
I won't even mention what's going on with my cycle because - surprise - I have no fucking idea! But, I won't go there for now....I'm trying to be positive at least for a few minutes.
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3 comments:
God, I do know how you feel. IF poisons everything in my life, and I hate that. I just hate it. I started doing the Days of Grace as sort of a dare to myself, because of all the days when I would literally wail that "I hate every single moment of every single day of my life!" but it does, actually, seem to help me remember that not every single thing in my life sucks shit. (Granted, there are days when I manage to turn all of my things to be thankful for into only-slightly-veiled rants against the world, but it does help.) I hope you find that it helps, too.
Because, god knows, this process really doesn't get any easier the longer you're at it...
Thinking of you.
What an inspiring post. I admire your strength, Riley. Good for you for pushing through a really challenging time and finding something to be grateful for. I hope things turn around for you with this cycle, and one day this will all seem like a bad, far-away dream.
xo
Maddy
Good for you, creating your own light at the end of the tunnel. I know there can be some really dark periods, times when you think the dark cloud over your head will never go away. But it's good that you are able to stop and recognize the need for a little sunshine. (and I'm jealous about the housekeeper!)
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