I don't know what to do. My clinic finally heard back from my donor after trying to get in touch with her for several weeks. I don't know about you, but this sounds a little sketchy to me. The nurse claims that when she finally e-mailed the donor, the donor e-mailed her right away. The nurse had been calling the donor and the donor never returned her calls. The donor supposedly was surprised to hear that the nurse had been trying to call and never got her because evidently she never got any of the messages. Hmm....I don't know what to think about this. If the donor wasn't returning calls, shouldn't the nurse have tried to e-mail a week or so ago? Or, if the donor knew that we were going to try to do a cycle this month, don't you think she'd call in when AF started? I know the donors are probably not living in this crazy world that we reside in where we focus on the calendar and what cycle day it is all the time, but still...
Regardless, I now need to make a decision. According to the nurse, the donor is still on board, but now she is saying that she can't do anything until after mid-June because she has a trip planned in June. Mid-June?? What happened to May? Why did we lose an entire month? I don't understand. OK - let's try to put that little bit of annoying news away for awhile.
Now, I have to decide if I want to stick with this donor - one that I originally approved, but did have a few doubts about - first I wasn't crazy about the fact that her dad died fairly young from alcoholism and second her blood type doesn't match mine or my husband's. She does have the same physical characteristics as me, which is a plus. Another negative - her E2 levels were too high to cycle in April - that's why I'm even in this mess to begin with. However, the nurse has told me over and over again that this was probably just a fluke - that her numbers have been low in the past and she has produced "lots of eggs" and has had successful cycles. Well, I just found out that this will be her fourth cycle - my husband thinks her E2 levels are high because she's all tapped out! Is four donations a lot?
So, I can stick with her or I can tell them I want another donor. I know if I switch donors that it will be even later than mid-June before we can get started. It could be July or August - who knows. But what if I stay with my current donor and then in mid- June she comes in and her E2 levels are still too high?
They have several other donors on their list that match my hair, eye color, height and blood type preferences. So I could request a new donor and go through the process of being matched with someone else - who may or may not end up working out as well. I don't know what to do. I almost feel like it's a sign that things didn't go smoothly with the first donor for a reason - that maybe I really do need to pick another - one with my blood type in case my child ever needs blood in the future. So, maybe I need to just go ahead and pick another. Or am I over-reacting? Should I just chill and stay with this donor even though I am really annoyed that she didn't bother to get in touch with the clinic and now we've wasted an entire month for no reason?
A third option is switching to the other clinic I mentioned. I was leaning heavily toward this but now I think it will just be a major hassle even though the customer service at that clinic is 100 times better than it is at my current clinic. To switch, I'd have to try to get my records sent over, I'd have to go through the process of getting a refund from my current clinic, my husband and I would probably have to update all our tests since it's been a while etc etc. So I think the decision is do I keep my current donor or tell them I want a new one?
2 comments:
I'm annoyed right along with you that the donor knew they could have cycled in May and didn't try to contact the clinic and the clinic didn't make more of an effort to contact her. But I guess that is water under the bridge.
As far a switching....I'm not sure the reasons you said would make me want to switch. Four isn't a TON but it is more than you might be comfortable with. I do not think more cycles make someone less fertile.
I think the deciding factor for me would be if I switched donors how long would that push things back? Even if the clinic is super efficient and has all the testing done before hand...just waiting for a donor to be ready can take months.
So I guess it's matter what bothers you more.. Four cycle or a longer wait.
I do think your donor is reliable becasue she would not have cycled three times if she was not.
Just my 2 cents. In the end...do what you can best live with.
Being on the other side....I know I had doubts about my donor....and I am hard pressed to even remember what those were. Those things matter so very much before you cycle. After all that matters is the baby. Those doubts are still there but they don't matter that much.
I am so sorry you are going through this. What a nightmare!
If this woman is not too old, 4 cycles is not that many. Lots of clinics allow 6 cycles, although my clinic only allows 4. But that could be an issue if you wish to use her again to try for sibs (assuming you don't end up with frosties).
I agree this sounds very weird. WHY did the clinic not email earlier? WHY did the donor not get any phone messages? WHY didn't the donor check in if she is doing a cycle this month???! She is being extremely well-paid (and rightly so) but I would wonder what was up with her.
I can understand your reluctance to switch clinics, but maybe you could just call and see what their timeline would be. it is no big deal to transfer records, but the refund thing might be an issue! But I'd want to know all my options. No clinic is going to be perfect - and no donor is either. I have to say it was a HUGE deal to me the first donor, much less the 2nd - and now I'm doing an FET I don't even think of the donor as being a part of this (although of course she is and I am so grateful).
So - I don't have a lot of good input - but if you feel like the donor will follow through she is probably your best bet for a quicker cycle. However, if all this thinking has made you reconsider the blood type thing, now might be the time to get someone else! I am thinking of you - good luck on this hard decision.
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