Thank you so much for those of you who offered your input/advice - it's nice hearing that the farther you get along in this process that the donor isn't so much of a factor - she is, but she isn't. Unfortunately, I just can't seem to get to that point.
I am so confused - I don't know what to do. I thought going home and discussing things with my husband would help, but, really he is no help at all. He tells me that it's up to me - that I should do whatever it is that will make me happy. Well, that's all fine and good, but I don't know what that is. Well, actually, I do - I just don't know how to get there. All I want is to feel like someone is on my side, working with me to find a suitable donor who will be ready to cycle sooner than later. I'd like to know what my options are, make a decision and proceed from there. I don't know why it has to be this difficult. I guess the main reason is the extremely poor communication on my clinic's part. That makes everything so much harder and is most likely the reason I'm not cycling right now - which makes me furious.
If I felt like they were truly committed to helping me realize my dream of having a baby and we were partners in all this, I could deal with the setbacks. Instead, I feel like a number who sometimes gets overlooked, like an annoyance when I call and express doubts in my donor. I feel like they don't want to hear my doubts or concerns and don't want to be bothered with having to go look for another donor. So, then I go back to the fact that the other clinic would treat me so much better - they are organized and they actually communicate with their patients. I just don't know if it's worth the hassle and the extra money.
I wish I had someone to sit down and talk all this through with. I think that's all I really need, but that's the one thing that's missing. Sometimes if I can just talk through my options with someone, everything will become clear for me. None of my friends know that we are doing the donor egg thing. My husband is no good at sitting down and discussing such issues - the way you need to talk with another woman. I don't feel like the nurses at my clinic have time for me. I am going to have to call them today. I just don't know what to say at this point.
I just feel so lost. And so sad.
Maybe I'm just making a big deal out of nothing?? I just don't know - I wish someone would come take my hand and lead me in the right direction.
5 comments:
You are NOT making a big deal out of nothing. This is a huge thing, and I didn't mean to imply the donor is a non-factor - right now you would be in the middle of a cycle if it weren't for donor problems!
I am hoping you find your way, and I wish there was someone in your area to help you. You might call BOTH clinics (anonymously?) and ask about a fertility support group - I was shocked to find that there was one in my little town. I can't usually go to meetings, but I have met with the "leader" and she has been hugely supportive. Also, I had to ASK about the group, the clinic never mentioned this great resource. Kinda annoying.
Not to make things more confusing, but why not call the Other Clinic and set up a consult? Get the real scoop and then maybe it will be clear to you whether you should dump you Current Clinic. I stayed with the local clinic thinking I'd only be there a short time, and here I am THREE cycles in, wondering if I should have gone with the other clinic. You just never know, but dealing with pleasant efficient people is a huge plus! Good luck hon.
I agree with musicmakermomma that you are not making a huge deal out of nothing. During my 2nd IVF cycle I was furious with my clinic for a number of reasons. I wanted to quit them but I knew doing so would cost me both time and money. I decided to put aside my rage and focus on my goal: getting pregnant as soon as possible. Nothing else mattered to me so I had to separate my feelings about how I was being treated and just plow ahead.
Now if I thought they were unethical, careless, or not a quality program I would have switched but my anger at them had to do with things like calling me back pre-cycle. Not necessarily a medical issue. I imagine I'd have the similar issues other clinics.
Anyhow, as I read your post it sound like you are mostly upset by things other than the donor/medical issues. Forgive me if I;m missreading you. The things your are mad about are more things like calling and notification and not say...bad medical protocols, bad Dr's, careless embryologists ect.
I am not diminishing your anger at all. You are entitled and I'd be furious as well. I'm just suggesting you try to separate the "process" concerns from the "medical" ones.
Clarify your goals and do what you need to do to reach them. Everything else is secondary. IF your goal is to get pregnant ASAP then how cna that happen? This clinic, this donor, now donor, new clinic? And if you feel like this clinic offers you less of a chance at a pregnancy then by all means switch.
Sorry you are going through this. I have been there. I spent two afternoons angry-crying in my office and yelling at the nurse on the phone. And no, DH could not understand.
Sorry I'm late to the game; I just caught up with your posts. I am so sorry that this is all so frustrating. I know that the doctors and nurses are busy. But YOU are paying them.
It's late in the day and I am about to go off to bed, so I probably couldn't put a coherent statement together if I wanted to right now. However, if you would like to talk to someone else who went the DE route, agonized over donors and got frustrated with their RE, please don't hesitate to get in contact with me: bminesin at yahoo dot com. We could talk by phone or by email, your choice. I think it would be easier to deal with things when you have someone to talk to who understands your frustration. And like Peeveme: my DH didn't really "get" everything I was going through. He couldn't empathize with my frustration and anxiety when it seemed that everything was taking longer than the Dr's office said it should have.
I'm here for you. No one should have to deal with this without friends :)
I agree, you're NOT making a mountain out of a molehill here. You're truly not. You have some really valid concerns and I wish I could help you but I've second guessed my own decisions and am just hoping for the best.
I accepted a donor who is...wait for it....31. Yeah, thirtyfriggenone! That scares the life out of me. Yet CCRM was super encouraged about her in particular. She's a proven in-house donor with them. Her last cycle was this past November and she produced thirtysomething eggs which resulted in a current pregnancy with something like 16 BLASTS in the freezer. I mean, that's good stuff.
BUT I still got scared. They were not even going to retest her Day 3 labs but I INSISTED and they did. I think her FSH was around 6.3, so that was great.
AND STILL, I'm shaking in my boots about the cycle in June. SO much is riding on it - and it could really be the beginning to motherhood or the end of the road for me. That is a tough pill to swallow.
In the end, I think you have to just gather the facts you have before you, make the best decision you can (which MIGHT be to use another donor) and when you're set, proceed like gangbusters and have hope it'll work out for the best.
I'm sending you good vibes from the universe that you'll make a decision you feel really good about and that turns into a little package 9 months later! :)
I too agree- you are not making a mt out of a molehill...Honestly, if you do not feel like your clinic is there for you--then you need to be heard on that! You are absolutely entitled to feel like MUCH more than a number to them, and that they are part of your team.
The egg donor--that is a whole other issue--4 donations does seem like a bit much, and I think many clinics won't work with EDs with that many, from what I've read. Your concerns are valid- the different blood type and the early death of father....Maybe that is why ultimately it didn't work for May? Do you still have the other ED choices to consider? Check with the clinic to see about your other choice--In my opinion, absolutely!!!
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