Ok, egg donor - check. Sperm donor - check. AF - check. Schedule......still waiting. Returned phone call telling me what the heck the plan is.......still waiting on that one, too.
I am so sick of residing in Limboland. I was told that as soon as AF arrived, start BCPs on day two, call the nurse and she would put together a schedule. AF arrived on Sunday, I called on Monday - no response. I called on Wednesday - no response. WTF!!!
I'm not in a good place. When I went back to look at past schedules to get an idea of how long this would take, it only depressed me to see how long we have been struggling with all this. How much of my life I have wasted. How many things I have put off doing because I was certain I would be pregnant by then. How many trips we have not taken, plans we haven't made, activities that I have not participated in because we'd certainly be pregnant by then.
I am SO TIRED of living (or not living) like this. I want to live my life. I'm ready to move in a direction. I'm ready to pack my bags and leave Limboland for good.
I also want to apologize to my wonderful blogging community. I'm sorry that I have not been commenting much lately - I just don't feel like I have the words inside me to express my sympathy or joy or sadness. I have no words of hope or inspiration. So, know that I'm still reading. I'm still grieving and celebrating with you all. I just don't feel like I have much to add to the conversation right now. Hopefully, that will change in the near future, as well.
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7 comments:
No need to apologize. I've had (still having?) my own personal rough spot with blogging.
I can relate to the limbo. At times, I think of myself as waist deep in mud trying to run a marathon.
I hope everything gets on track soon. (hugs)
I agree, no need to apologize. If going through dE #2 is anything like #1 it is stressful but also loaded.
Hope you get some info and clarity soon,
thinking of you
EB
I so know how frustrating this entire process is. I feel like I am waiting for something. all. the. time. Stuck in a holding pattern waiting for this or waiting for that. It's not a good place to be. And waiting for a phone call back is most frustrating! How hard is it for people to do their jobs?!
No need to apologize for not commenting much. Hopefully things will come together for you soon. Take care!
Living in 'Limboland' sucks. It's a constant 'wait' for every damn thing - the phone calls, AF, the cycle, the 2ww, etc. and so on. I'm ready for someone to just hand me a live baby, thank you very much. You mean, after all this time, I still have to survive the 9 month wait and hope my baby is born live? ugh. Limboland.
Don't worry about commenting, when you're in a tough place it's hard to get out there and engage sometimes. You just take care of yourself. And I tell you what, I'd drive over to the clinic, walk through the door and say, "Um, excuse me, but I'm on day ___ of AF and I need to start BCP's and I need a schedule. Today!" Hope it comes together soon.
I'm sorry your feeling this way, your blog has been quite helpful to me and I hope that you feel better someday soon. I will be thinking about you, and wishing you some peace.
Argh - I would be trying to reach through the phone and strangle the nurse! How frustrating. If you are getting the receptionist but the nurse's phone just goes to voice mail (for a week?!) I'd consider asking for another nurse. Even if they don't/can't do that, this usually gets super results. Especially if you are like, It seems like Nurse Never There is just too busy to provide adequate care for me. I'd like to work with someone who is available for THIS cycle please.
The great thing is that if you can bring yourself to do this, and it is best if you ask the receptionist; the original nurse really steps up her care. My first cycle I had a similar problem and it was night and day after I asked for a change. Fortunately she moved away before my next cycle.
You are worth a good cycle coordinator. You are paying a fortune for this. Your cycle with DE and DS is far more complicated than many, and you need someone to be on top of things! I am praying your next post is all about your schedule and how everything is coming together.
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