I guess it wasn't a big surprise. I tested again before I went in this morning and it was still negative. I was hoping for a miracle. The nurse just called - didn't get one. What's new.
I am, of course, devastated. Right now, feeling surprisingly calm because hubby and I have been talking about donor embryos. We aren't giving up yet.
The bad part is that he leaves tomorrow and will be out of town for work all week, so I'm going to be here all alone trying to deal with this. I guess the only good part is that at least I can try to start doing some research on donor embryos while he's gone and try to come up with a plan.
I just don't understand why life is so unfair. My mom died when I was 20 so I don't have that close relationship like so many others do with their moms. Then after she died, I lost touch with a lot of the rest of my family. So, I was so looking forward to creating my own family with my husband and now we can't do that either. Am I destined to live my life alone without a family of my own? I don't understand what I ever did to deserve this. It makes me so, so sad.
But knowing that the journey is not completely over - that there is still a scrap of hope - I guess it'll keep me going for a few more months at least.
9 comments:
Aww, so sorry hon. And it is a real drag that your DH is leaving right now, be sure to pamper yourself a little cuz you deserve it.
Glad you are considering donor embies, and don't you still have one frosty? If you are feeling up to it research is a great distractor! Life just isn't fair, or we'd all be pg right now - I suggest chocolate.
I'm so sorry. It seems you already knew in your heart, ever since the first HPT. Will you have an appointment with your RE to discuss why they think it didn't work? As for donor embryos, you know that's what we did. I wrote a post about donor embryos on April 24, if you want to go back and read it. If you want to email me, I'll be happy to provide you with more helpful information. Let me know which state you live in...it may make a difference. You can reach me at bestwhenusedby@gmail.com
I really believe that you will have your family. One day, not too far off.
I'm so sorry, hun. I was really hoping this would be it for you. I'm relieved to hear that you are so calm and considering other options. I really get what you mean about life being unfair - I, too, have had my challenges with my family and have high hopes that I can have my own happy family one day. I hope you will let us be the sisters you never had. We're here for you while your DH is away this week, okay? (Hugs)
I'm sorry, nothing I can say will make you feel better now, but I just wanted to share that after 4 failed ivfs we tried DE ivf and were sure it was the answer, but that failed too. I'm sure your Dr gave you really high success rates for DE, like us, so I just want you to know there are other DE ivfs that also did not work, and don't be too hard on yourself. Best of luck with your frozen embie.
I'm so sorry. I don't have the right words to say but I feel your pain, excruiatingly so. I am glad you are considering donor embryos. I agree also with your pp about not falling in love with your donor. We just transferred 2 blasts and found out I need emergency back surgery. I could easily loose them and my mobility if I don't have it and I don't want to do this again.
Thinking of you.
So sorry. Whatever you decide rest assured we will be all there with you.
EB
I am so sorry.
I understand your feelings right now, so I will just give you a virtual hug.
Riley, I am so very sorry. You did deserve this - more than so very many. I wish you enormous success in your next step.
I am so sorry. I feel the same way--donor eggs should be a sure thing. After all this heartache, something should work out, right? I know you are in a place of pain, but please do something nice for yourself. You have done nothing to deserve this. It is all so unfair.
Thinking of you--Brenda
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