Decisions

I'm back at work after being on bed rest for several days and just feel so far behind. I'm hoping tonight that I'll actually get a few minutes to catch up on my blog reading and commenting.

First, I'd like to thank you all so much for your kind words and support regarding my three day transfer. Hearing from you all made me feel so much better about everything, so thank you very much - you all are the best!

So, I told you what day we transferred, but haven't reported on how many. I've thought a lot the past couple of days about how we make important decisions in our lives - we base them on the information presented to us, on the pros and cons of such information, our past experiences, our hopes, our dreams, our fears, societal pressure, peer pressure etc....there are so many factors that go into making a decision. If one of those factors was slightly different then we may make a completely different decision on any given day.

I went into transfer day thinking that I'd probably want to transfer two. My husband was leaning toward three, so I had to explain to him how these embryos are different than the ones created with my eggs. These, hopefully, are much better quality, so we probably should transfer no more than two, because neither of us want triplets - not to mention that triplets present such higher risks for the babies' health. So, when we got to the clinic and met with the embryologist, she was going over all the information - the status of the embryos, the grades etc and it sounded to me like she was recommending transferring three - which my husband is in complete agreement with. I was a little confused - aren't these good quality embryos we are talking about? In fact, they were - on a scale of 1 to 4 - one of the three was a grade 4 and the two others were 3+, so I was still thinking just two. But then she mentioned that they had to do assisted hatching on the embryos because the cell walls were much thicker than they had expected. She actually said they were "shocked" to find this from a donor of her age. I guess that did it - it reminded me of MY eggs and how they had to do assisted hatching on mine and it still didn't work, so I somehow went from agreeing to transfer two to agreeing to transfer three - and I really don't know if that was such a good decision or not. Now, I'm scared to death that it's not going to work at all or that all three will continue to divide and implant. I'm trying to relax and hope for the best. We'll be thrilled and overjoyed with one or even two, but three..... I guess we'll cross that bridge if and when we get there.

I am glad to be off of bed rest, but it's funny - when I was on bed rest, at least I FELT like I was doing SOMETHING to help with this pregnancy. Now, I feel as though it's all out of my hands - which I guess it is. My husband was an amazing nurse - he actually took a few days off work and waited on me hand and foot. He was so sweet. He would actually get mad at me if he caught me trying to do something for myself. He is so excited about this working out - which is really nice to see, but scares me to death, and so far, I have refused to join him in his dreaming about our future child. That's what really worries me the most. For some reason he has his hopes up so high, and I know he will be devastated if this doesn't work. I don't know where he is getting all this optimism. We'll both been on the same journey and have both been overly cautious in getting our hopes up, but for some reason, he has pushed that caution aside and is making all sorts of plans for our future child.

This so has to work. Now the wait begins.