I tested this morning - I was really hoping to get some good news, but it was negative. I'm dying here. I told hubby - poor, sweet man - he refuses to believe it. He wants to wait until tomorrow to get the official answer. He has been so positive and optimistic this cycle - constantly talking about all the things we'll do with our kid(s). It kills me that I can't give him a baby. I just don't understand. We've tried everything. All we want is ONE baby. We aren't trying for our second. Neither of us have kids from earlier marriages. All we want is ONE and we can't even fucking get that.
I have no idea how I'm going to get through this. I feel like I can't be part of the world where all around me people are getting pregnant left and right - my secretary at work, our good friends - how can I be around these people? Last night at dinner, the owner of the restaurant was gushing about how he just had his second child Monday night and was showing pictures to some of his friends who had stopped by. How can I live in this world? What kind of life are hubby and me going to have - I can't get my head around this. I want to have a baby. I don't want to give up, but it's hard when you've already WASTED as much money on this as we have. This so should have worked. I should have insisted that we wait for a five day transfer and only transfer what was left then - if anything. I had a bad feeling when they told me three day - why did I go along with that? I knew something wasn't right. All those fucking shots for nothing. What are all those injections doing to my body? I'll probably get cancer next - I'm just that unlucky.
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7 comments:
So sorry hon. This waiting is the worst.
And please don't give up hope, my first beta I tested the day before and it was lily white, but my beta WAS positive. Didn't work out, but they are thinking that is because of my uterine anomolies (ha). Sending hope and hugs your way.
yes, don't give up. you CAN have a child. maybe it will be in a different way than you thought, but if that is what you want you can make it happen.one step at a time and will work out. good luck.
I am so sorry. I understand disappointment and financial ruin. It has ruled my own life for nearly 5 years.
No matter what happens tomorrow, I will be here to give you support. Hang on, even if it's by the tips of your fingers.... just hang on. ((hugs))
I can't write the depth of empathy I feel towards you right now. I agree with Shelli, whatever happens tomorrow we will all be here to support you and do whatever we can.
I have everything crossed for tomorrow.
E
Grrr...again I posted a comment late last night from my blackberry and it didn't work!
My dear Riley - I have been thinking of you all day today and wondering how it went, how you're doing...Please know that we are all here for you, and that we can all understand everything you've written here. Sending lots of good energy your way...XO
I am so sorry. There's nothing good about this, though I must tell you that I'm still holding out hope. Pee sticks lie, you know. You're in my thoughts, and I hopehopehopehopehope that tomorrow's beta brings wonderful news.
If it doesn't, though - and I know you know this, but your post sounds so very hopeless and helpless that I have to respond to that sadness in your voice - it is not your fault, and you will find a way to make it happen.
God, this sucks. Another thing I know you know, but that I feel compelled to restate, anyway. Thinking of you.
Just so you know, it isn't the waiting and the hoping that kills you - it is the "what-ifs".
I'm new here, but I can tell how much a family means to you already. I hope you find the right path to baby soon - whatever that is. I hope you will be able to have the family you want and need.
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