After successfully surviving my party without anyone realizing that the wine I was drinking was actually grape juice, it appears my efforts were all for naught. I woke up this morning feeling so confident that I was pregnant, I decided to go ahead and POAS. I mean it is 10dp5dt - we transferred 2 perfect blasts created from the eggs and sperm of two healthy, proven 20-somethings and for the first time ever, my boobs have been sore during the 2ww. And can you believe it? I got a BFN. Needless to say, I am absolutely devastated. My DH was mad that I tested, but then after I explained to him the timing of everything, he is crushed. I know there is a small, small, small chance that my hcg levels are just a little low and they could still rise, but I'm not holding out much hope. It's not like you can say that I tested too early - I didn't. I actually tested late - one day later than most betas. And I used a really good test. So it looks like the end of the road for us - I can not believe that this didn't work. I can't even get into what I'm feeling right now. Yes, we do have at least 4 frosties - maybe more - I never got the final count, but we all know that success is better with fresh, so my chances of an FET working are not very high if we couldn't manage to get pregnant with two perfect blasts. WTF??? Why is this happening to me and my hubby. All we want is to have a family. Neither of us have kids from a previous marriage. We have NOTHING. It is so fucking unfair.
So, the one question I have for all of you is - do you think there is something that could be wrong with me that's causing these embryos to not implant that I need to be tested for? I mean, first, we thought it was my eggs, then we thought is was DH's sperm, so we use DE and DS and it still doesn't work - am I just unlucky or could there be some other medical issue I'm not aware of that I need to be tested for before our FET? I mean my lining was good, my progesterone levels were good - everything looked perfect. Is there something that's being overlooked that could make the difference or am I just the most unlucky person on earth?
11 comments:
Oh goddamnit all!
Ok, first off, BFNs suck no matter what or when. BUT. No, you're not super early, but I was getting supersupersuper faint-like have to go back two hours later to see them (or nothing at all) lines on the best tests out there at appx. where you're at right now -and my hCG levels would have been in the hundreds at that point, based on later bloodwork. Some women simply have diluted pee, or low levels, or, yes, late implanters. Get the bloodwork done before you throw in the towel.
However, that said, (& I'm embarrassed that I don't remember if you've mentioned this before) have you been tested for MTHFR? Other "killer cell" immune disorders? Clotting disorders? My doc goes straight to lovenox/prednisone/baby aspirin after one miscarriage, but I know plenty of folks think it can prevent an embryo from even implanting. Some docs regard this killer-cell theory as pretty voodoo, but a lot of babies out there (carried with the help of some pretty strong immune suppressors) say otherwise. I can give you the name of The Top Doc in NYC for this sort of thing, if you'd like (& if you don't already have it.)
I'm so very sorry you've having to deal with this. And yes, it's more unfair than just about any other unfairness I can think of, that we who want kids so desperately, can't seem to have them.
Also, for the record, my most recent pg was from the FET after a negative from the fresh cycle that provided the freezer-fodder. They do not always pick the best embryos to transfer, despite their best efforts. Don't give up hope on that, either.
And none of that helps, I know. I'm thinking of you and wishing this was different. No one should have to go through all this.
Just wanted to say I agree with Sprogblogger. Nothing is a done deal until the beta. Nothing.
I wonder about MTHFR. I know very little about it, and it pisses me off to no end that MDs/REs dismiss immune stuff. When a person is in the state of chaos we are in, no avenue should be ignored. I'd pursue this.
I can't imagine how devastated you must feel (although I fully expect to have the same level of devastation after my DE cycle in January). There are no answers, no fairness. All I can say is you are NOT alone. We are here with you for the long haul. Together we will find a way to beat this or manage to live in spite of it all.
E
I have yet to have a POAS + and I have had a couple positive beta's.
Hang in there. DE is different from regular IVF. Wait for the beta test.
I hate this whole process. It is absolute torture.
Eb
Hang in there, sweetie. You may still be surprised. When is your official beta?
Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs your way.
Jo
I think every woman is different and you may not show much HCG right away. I'm truly stunned as I'm sure you are. There are two things (or maybe more)I would have your RE test for. MTHFR, Factor V Leiden but I would also make sure you don't have a hydrosalpinx. That is a blockage that leads to infection in the tube. People tend not to look for it until you have 1 or 2 failed cycles. You can see it on an HSG and if you have films from your last one, the RE may spot it and and you may not have to redo it. It is usually treated with minor surgery. Many, many hugs to you. I'm not calling it a BFN until your beta.
I agree that you're not crazy-early but, at this point, I can definitely understand some concern. Though I've followed so damned many negative HPTs in women who wound up with positive betas and babies to follow. So I wouldn't rule anything out.
Having said that, I am in the camp of Maj Bryen of exploring deeply before transferring the frosties.
Have you had an HSG in the last year to rule out a hydrosalpinx? How about blood clotting disorders (I have MTHFR) and, lastly, - I can't recall if you have endometriosis. If so, did you have an endo biopsy to confirm the presence of the beta 3 integrin?
You'll just want to make absolutely sure you've done all that before transferring in future - IF it gets to that and it may not and we may be toasting to a BFP soon enough!
I'm so sorry. I hope the test was wrong and you get a nice surprise with the beta. This really sucks and is totally unfair. I am really sorry that you are having to go through so much to get what is way too easy for some people.
Since you asked, have you been tested for immune implantation dysfunction? Do you have endo? Or a personal/family history of autoimmune diseases? There is a strong correlation. I wrote a long post about it back on October 3rd and posted links to several articles. You might want to check them out. I tested positive for the igG PE antiphospholipid antibody, which is treated with heparin and intralipids. Also, my clinic uses a steriod on everyone. There aren't too many doctors that believe in an infertility/immune connection or treating it though. If you think you may have immune issues you might want to consider a second opinion and perhaps transfering the blasts there for a FET.
Did your clinic freeze your blasts using vitrification? If so the thaw rate is close to 95% and the success rates are close to that of a fresh cycle, so don't give up on the frozens.
Again, I am so sorry this hasn't been an easier road. Hopefully you won't need the above information. Take care.
Fuck.
I am so sorry you got a BFN today. Like everyone else, I'm still not ready to give up on this one. Do get a beta, too.
And then, worse-case scenario if it is not BFP, why not, get tested for everything you can. Check your thyroid, too - I am soon to write a post about thyroid because it is apparently really overlooked and neglected by REs - it is really important to make sure levels are spot on to be able to conceive.
Please take care of yourself - this is all so fucking hard.
Love,
Maddy
I hated when people tried to blow smoke up my a$$, so I won't do it to you. Sure, there's always a chance that you have low HCG lurking, but I know where you are and that place... is awful.
I wish I knew the answers to all of your questions, because I am a DE flunkie too. How I wish I could take that sinking feeling away from you. At the very least, you still have the frozens but I understand how much it hurts to be in the place you are in right now.
I send you hugs. Lots of them.
I'm so sorry about the disappointing stick. I read the others' comments and it sounds like they've got some testing suggestions. It just doesn't make sense and isn't fair when every element seemed so right. So don't give up just yet - go for your beta. Sending you hugs and positive thoughts.
I'm so sorry about the BFN, your right, it sucks so bad.
There are a few things I would ask the doctor about...
I know our doc after 2 failed transfers he puts them on a blood thinner protocol so that the body doesn't reject the embryos. Maybe there is an immune issue?
I also believe that new research is showing that there is not a significant difference in sucess rates when using frozen...many choose to go frozen and many get pregnant on frozen even when it didn't work with a fresh.
Just some thoughts. Again, I'm sorry..my heart goes out to you.
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