Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Today
I soaked in the tub yesterday, had two glasses of wine with my birthday dinner and hubby and I decided to skip the progesterone shot. That's how sure I am that this did not work. I didn't take my vitamin or my baby aspirin this morning. I did go to the clinic so they could take my blood to make this whole BFN official. I go back at 1:45 for my meeting with the doctor - should be fun. Between now and then, I'll be busy typing up all sorts of things that I plan to say to him during our meeting. I am so sick of this. I first started trying IVF when I turned 37 after a year of trying on our own. I am now 39 - and have nothing to show for my efforts - other than an empty bank account and a lot of wasted time. I am pissed. Upset, too. But, right now, more pissed than anything. I spent time yesterday looking at all sorts of other options that have much better odds of working but the problem is we've pretty much spent all the money we have to spend on this. I don't want to go into huge debt trying to have a baby. We have already spent so much fucking money I just don't think we can afford to do much else.
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10 comments:
Riley, first and foremost, best wishes today - I hope, beyond hope, that you do have a positive beta and that your dreams come true.
But, should that not be, I know the devastation of the expense. And boy is this stuff crazy expensive. Take time and consider other options, for sure.
I know many couples who've done an "IVF vacation" in the Czech Republic have been very successful - they're doing great stuff over there with donor egg/sperm and I'd strongly considered it myself - for about $10K. Not bad. A lot of money still - yeap! But what isn't?
And that doesn't have to be the answer either but give yourselves the time to think and plan - you will come up with something.
So sorry Riley. wish there was something to say that didn't sound lame.
Rage on. You have every right.
Eb
"We have already spent so much fucking money I just don't think we can afford to do much else."
I feel you, I know how much this sucks because I am here too.
((hugs))
Riley,
God, I've been thinking about you so much for the past two days, but haven't commented because I just feel so, so sick about this BFN. I'm just speechless. I just KNEW it was going to work. Like Eb, I wish I could say something--anything--that would help you right now. I'm so sorry. I hope the Dr. has some answers.
I am so sorry this did not work for you. I know words cannot change the way you feel, but know that you are not alone. My husband and I are in the same position as you (same ages and time frames...crazy). Our second failed DE IVF was earlier this month. I read on someone's blog (can't remember who) in the end you can and will have the family you've always wanted...it just may not come the way you envisioned it. I try to keep that in mind when things don't go my way. Hope you can find some peace to enjoy the holidays...if only a little bit...
I hope you get some answers to the questions you pose to the doctor. Hopefully he won't blow you off on the immune issues if you feel you need to get tested for them.
I feel your pain when it comes to being OOP. Totally. fucking. sucks. that my insurance company will cover viagra for ED (because, yeah, they consider that a disease), but not for infertility, which to them isn't a disease. I cringe when I think about the money we would have if we could do this the old-fashioned way. UGH!
I want you to know that I have been thinking of you the past few days. Take care.
I don't even know what to say. I'm devastated and pissed on your behalf.
Sigh. As if the devastation of BFNs weren't enough, having to worry about lack of money to keep trying just rubs salt in the wound. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry, Riley. Been thinking of you today - how did it go with the doctor?
Hugs,
Maddy
Riley: thinking of you. (((HUGS))).
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